command and control
…systems|a dance]]. ## Relation to Parenting A key insight of [[Peaceful parenting]] is that once you give up the illusion that you…
Contents
- Regulate your own emotions, as a model for children and to more productively problem-solve. mindfulness is essential here.
- Prioritize your relationship with your child above all else (except of course safety). This is practical: most children’s misbehavior stems from frustration with you, and regardless, you can only help them solve their problems if they trust you.
- Coaching over controlling.
“Drop the rope”
A catchy metaphor I find myself remembering in the moment is when you find yourself playing tug-of-war with your child, drop the rope. Because if you’re arguing with a child, you’ve already lost. The link has some helpful practical examples like:
The next time she came home and left her shoes in the hallway, I asked her to put them away. She said “no.”
I responded: “Well, in our family we all help each other out. I’m happy to do it for you this time, and I’ll appreciate your help with it tomorrow.”
[Note the “and” instead of “but,” which would have negated the idea that I’m happy to help.]
It took two days, and then she began putting her shoes away.
Further Reading
- An introductory guide to peaceful parenting, by Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
- 13 Tips to Transition to Peaceful Parenting