Be Genuine

That is one of my personal values. It is incredibly important to me. So, how does one stay genuine when you very strongly disagree with a decision being made?

You believe we should build feature, A, but feature B is prioritized. You believe we should organize in functions, but it is decided we’ll organize in value-stream squads. You believe we should hire candidate A, but candidate B is selected. You believe we should have a principle of focusing on the buyer side of the marketplace, but it is decided to focus on the seller side. You believe we should stay focused on SMB, but it is decided we’ll go up-market to enterprise.

These are some serious decisions with serious repercussions. It is incredibly healthy to culture to disagree and commit. However, when the disagreement is so intense, you have a choice. Stay or Leave.

If you stay, in Disagree and Commit; Committing Defined we discussed what you can do to lean towards progress when there are disagreements.

However, if you can’t find a way to exist in an environment where a decision is made that you disagree with… you must leave that environment.

It’ll harm both you and those around you if you stay. I have experienced a few times being on an exec team where I’ve strongly disagreed with the direction that the CEO wanted to go… I had a choice; stay and find a way to commit or leave.

I’ll never forget… At an exec offsite where I was fighting hard for a change in direction. The issue we were facing was a fundamental principle to the business. We had a spirited discussion, and I made my “final argument”, and the CEO responded with… “one day, I sincerely look forward to seeing you start a business where that path can be taken”. PERIOD. I’ll never forget that moment. I am forever grateful to him for being so clear and truly sincere. We were at an impasse and I believe that statement was one of the very few paths forward where we could continue working together. Clear, genuine, and definite.

True leadership… He didn’t ignore consensus, I felt very heard… He didn’t gather consensus, or we’d still be sitting around that table to this day… He led and molded consensus.

In contrast there was a situation where I was in an exec offsite at a previous company and “this is not something you can disagree and commit about” was stated. Teams are immutable, and that was the beginning of the end of that team.

So how can you be genuine, productive, and very strongly disagree with a decision that was made?!?!

Humility, Commitment, and Transparency.

Humility

We are all human, and as such we are fallible. Regardless of how much we believe something to be true, does not make it so.

Argue the other side… and find a way imagine how your way could be the wrong way.

Hard? Abso-fucking-lutely 😂 But, often times doing exercises intended on helping you grow are hard… Progress requires us to do them anyway.

Humility is hard but required.

Commit

If you are going to act like you agree, but then do everything in your power to prove you were right… you are employing toxic asshole behavior.

No, you have to do everything you can to make the play that was called the most successful it can possibly be. If you can’t… well, we’ve already covered what your only next step should be.

Again, the key is to seeing things from the other perspective. Putting yourself in a state where you can visualize the other viewpoint and therefore be a productive teammate in the pursuit of the goals employing the strategies you’ve committed to.

If the people with the opposing viewpoints believe you are just waiting to say “I told you so”… guess what? You haven’t committed and you are employing toxic asshole behavior.

Commitment, when you disagree, is hard but required.

Transparency

This may be the most controversial of them all. This is where the lines between being committed and genuine blur.

I can present a united front… use the talking points agreed upon… and strive to meet the goals. Even when I so strongly believe the direction I wanted us to go was the right way I show the humility that I may be wrong, give my all to make the chosen path successful, but I must stay true to myself know that like Morpheus “my beliefs do not require <others to believe them>”.

Yes, when I am confronted by someone who believes what I believe… I will walk them through the process of how we decided. I’ll even tell them that I advocated for a different path, but this is the most important part… I make sure they know that even though I advocated for a different path I’m committed to the chosen path and that I need them to be committed to the chosen path as well.

Stating this intent allows you to be genuine to yourself / not lie, and be a productive member of the team.

Transparency is hard, but required.

The moral of these contrasting stories is this… this shit is HARD. But, when you can’t commit because it violates your ethics, principles, or you can’t see yourself employing one of the “good”/productive strategies for disagree-and-commit, then there is only one path… remove yourself from the situation.

But if you can disagree-and-commit, productively, you have found a strong team and the world better watch out!